


just for tonight / come morning light

by akurokush (luxpacifica)



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Game: Kingdom Hearts II, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Pining Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Riku Is Bad at Feelings (Kingdom Hearts), Sad Axel (Kingdom Hearts), Twilight Town (Kingdom Hearts), axel is so desperate, riku and axel are both so lonely, theyve got trauma, twilight town follows the normal rules of daytime and nighttime in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28438086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxpacifica/pseuds/akurokush
Summary: Axel misses Roxas. Riku misses Sora. Neither of them can sleep.Set around the middle of KH2, the day that Sora sees Riku in Land of Dragons.
Relationships: Axel & Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	just for tonight / come morning light

If he had a heart, it would be hurting. It _did_ hurt, he thought, but could it _really_ , if he didn’t have one? _It’s all so confusing,_ he thought, rolling over on the old couch that he slept on. He stared out the window across from him, where moonlight spilled in. 

The room Axel had claimed for himself in the old mansion was dark and musty, with a thick layer of dust on everything but the couch where he lay. The house was quiet, Riku and Naminé both in their own rooms, sleeping peacefully. _I wonder what time it is._ It didn’t really matter. Whether it was in the mansion or the castle, he couldn’t remember the last time he got a good night’s sleep. _It was probably before he left,_ Axel thought, with a pang of hurt. 

He wasn’t used to sleeping alone, anymore. 

He turned Riku’s words from earlier that day around in his head. ‘ _He’s the sun. He’s the brightest light I’ve ever known.’ Yeah, I know someone like that. Knew someone like that. Fuck, Roxas, I wish you were here, I_ need _you here…_

He sat up on the couch. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep anyway. Stretching, he rose to his feet and walked over to the window. A cool breeze blew in through the broken glass, and Axel shivered. The mansion was so quiet, so empty, so cold. He missed having someone to share warmth with through long nights. Someone to hold him. To kiss. _Sleep came so easy then, even in those frigid stone beds._

He felt a tear creeping out, again. He was surprised that he even had any left. Outside the window, trees swayed gently in the moonlight. The tip of the clock tower peeked up from behind them, and he thought back to sitting up there, having ice cream with his friend, when things made sense. _How the hell did I end up here?_

**Earlier that day— 

“You seem to be in a better mood today, gloomy. Seeing Sora just made you that happy, huh?” Axel raised an eyebrow at Riku. He sat on a threadbare couch in one of the mansion’s many rooms, eating an ice cream bar, while Axel leaned against the wall eating his own. 

“I don’t feel like telling you.” A little smile crossed Riku’s lips as he took a bite of his sea-salt ice cream. Seeing Sora in the Land of Dragons _had_ made him that happy, and fighting with him in the snow almost felt like old times back on the island with their wooden swords. 

Axel looked at Riku for a long moment, then asked, “What _is_ Sora to you?” 

The question caught Riku off guard, and he flushed. _What is Sora to me?_ Just thinking of Sora— his light, his smile, his fearlessness— made his chest swell. _He’s everything._ He pursed his lips, looking for the right words to explain how he felt to Axel.

Appearing in the doorway, Naminé answered for him. “Sora and Riku are best friends.” _Oh._ Axel’s eyes crinkled, memories of his own best friend pulling at the place where his heart would be. “And if your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”

His chest ached suddenly, and he felt his cheeks warm. “...That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded, sinking onto the sofa next to Riku, staring at his melting ice cream, lost in memories.

“So you’re capable of sincerity after all,” said Riku, raising an eyebrow. Axel only shrugged at the jab and finished his ice cream. 

“You know, you two really aren’t that different,” Naminé mused, rocking on her feet. “You’re both missing someone you care about… and trying as hard as you can to make up for your past mistakes.” 

Axel rubbed at the back of his head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that.” He thought for a moment. “I’d probably be just as giddy as _Ansem_ over there if I got to see—” the words caught in his throat, and when he continued his voice was soft, “if I got to see my best friend again.” A silence fell over the room. Naminé gave Axel a sad little smile, and he stared hard at the ground, wondering if the other two could see the lump in his throat. _Jeez, when did you get so soft, Axel?_

“I think I’ll go get myself an ice cream, too,” Naminé said, leaving the two of them in a heavy silence that dragged itself out. Riku was the one to finally break it.

“Axel…” he said quietly. “I’m sorry. I really am, about… how everything turned out. For hurting him. I just…” he sighed. “I just needed to get Sora back.”

Axel thought for a long minute. “...S’okay. I’m... sorry too, for… er, for helping take him away in the first place. For hurting him. I just needed to do whatever I could…well, to protect Roxas.” The words tumbled out of Axel before he could stop them.

Riku nodded a quiet understanding. “I wish there was a way we could both have our…” he faltered for a second. “Our best friends back. At the same time.” 

Axel’s voice was barely a whisper when he replied. “Yeah.” Riku continued working on his ice cream while Axel stared off into the distance, his own long finished. “Y’know, you didn’t really answer before, Naminé kinda answered for you. What is Sora... to _you_?” 

“He’s…” He chuckled lightly, and didn’t hesitate this time. “He’s everything. He’s the sun. He’s the brightest light I’ve ever known. He’s always been,” Riku swallowed past the lump in his throat, “guiding my way back home.” Riku couldn’t say why he was spilling his guts to Axel, but somehow, it felt like what Sora would do. Or what he would want. 

Axel recognized the look in his eyes. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“Is that… how Roxas was to—” 

Axel interrupted him. “Yeah.” There was that pulling feeling in his chest again. What was it? Longing? Loneliness? How could he feel any of those without a heart? But he felt it so strongly, like a wave pushing him under, he thought he might be sick with the strength of it. Tears were pricking at the corners of his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Riku asked gently.

Axel turned away, hiding his face, but his voice caught when he replied, “Ye- yeah.” He dug his fingernails into his palms, fighting for control over his feelings, trying to push back rising sobs. _Come on, pull it together already…._

Riku ventured a guess. “You miss him?” 

The words started tumbling out of Axel’s mouth, “So much, _fuck_ , so much, so much that I feel sick, like I can’t breathe, like—” Still turned away from Riku, Axel grasped at his chest, “Like someone tore something out from me.” Axel laughed, tears starting to fall now. “I’m sorry, I don’t, don’t know why I’m saying all this; I’m a Nobody, I’m not supposed to feel _anything,_ ”

He felt a light touch on his shoulder. Even though the hand was Ansem’s, Axel could feel that underneath it was Riku. “Axel... it’s okay. I get it. You should’ve seen me while Sora was sleeping, I was a disaster.” Riku cringed a bit at the memory. “I still miss him so much that it hurts.” 

“Yeah, but at least you have a heart to feel it with,” Axel mused, wiping his cheeks. “I just feel so lost, what am I even _doing_ here?” 

Riku considered it for a moment. “I’d say that you’re just following your heart. Going where it feels it needs to be.”

Axel scoffed. “I just told you, I don’t have one.” But he wasn’t sure if he believed that anymore. If he didn’t have a heart, what were all these messy feelings? 

“Are you really sure about that? I only met Roxas once, but... it seemed like he had just as strong a heart as Sora...” Riku hesitated, “And you seem the same way. I don’t know, maybe it’s not your heart exactly, but there’s something leading you to where you should be.” 

“Huh,” Axel said. “Like how Sora is the light guiding your way?” 

Riku answered quietly. “Yes.” Axel looked back at him to see a smile, and just for a second, he didn’t see it on Ansem’s face, but on Riku’s. 

That night— 

Axel, now standing out in the front yard, looked up at the night sky. _Are you out there, Roxas? Are you what’s guiding me? Because I still feel lost without you here._

Back in the mansion, Riku tossed and turned on an uncomfortable cot. When was the last time he had slept well? Back on the islands? When was the last time he’d woken up with Sora in his arms? _No. Don’t._ He pushed the memories back down. _He can’t see me like this. I can’t hold him like this. Once I’ve beaten the darkness for good… then I’ll hold him again._ At least in his room in Hollow Bastion, he’d had a pillow to cling to in Sora’s place. No such comforts in the old mansion. 

It was so cold, alone in that room. _But maybe I deserve the cold. After everything I’ve done… maybe I don’t deserve his warmth anymore._ He sat up on the cot, cradling his head in those hands that were but weren’t his own. When he closed his eyes, he could still see Sora, running around in the snow, carefree as ever. His heart ached and he stood, giving up on sleep. It wasn’t ever restful, anyway, not with the nightmares. 

Riku walked out of his room, looking out over the empty, messy foyer. He went down the stairs and out through the heavy front door into the moonlit yard. Based on the darkness of the sky, he figured it to be around two or three in the morning. He sighed, then immediately tensed as he saw a figure in the corner of his eye, and in a second he had summoned Soul Eater and was racing at the enemy. 

“Hey— hey— it’s me! It’s Axel!” Riku looked up and saw Axel pressed against the mansion wall, hands held up in front of his face. 

“Oh— sorry,” Riku pulled back, face hot with embarrassment. He dismissed Soul Eater and quickly turned his back to Axel. “Thought you were… uh...” 

“A Nobody?” Riku could hear his teasing smile. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” He sat down on the front step, looking out over the yard, clutching his knees to his chest. “Sorry.” 

Axel sat down next to him and shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep?” Riku just nodded. “Me neither.” Riku was still quiet, and Axel rubbed at the back of his head awkwardly. “Jeez kid, I thought you’d be in a better mood since you saw Sora.” 

“I miss him so much,” Riku whispered, so quiet that Axel could barely hear.

“Yeah,” Axel replied, voice hollow. “But you’ll be with him soon, right? It’s not like he’s gone forever.” He laughed with a hint of bitterness. Riku fell quiet again, and when Axel looked over at him, there were tears streaking his face. _Aw jeez…._ “I’m sorry….” _Has this “feelings” stuff always been so hard?_

Riku took a shaky breath, and spoke barely above a whisper. “It’s hard to… to need someone this much. I don’t know who to be without him next to me.” 

Axel didn’t know what to say to that. Hesitantly, he laid a hand on Riku’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay.” Riku let his head fall onto his knees. Axel rubbed his shoulder gently, still feeling quite awkward. They sat there for a while, Riku trying to force back his tears and Axel trying to comfort him.

After a few minutes, Riku looked up again, eyes red and bleary. From the corner of his eye, he saw Axel holding out a sea-salt ice cream. He couldn’t help but laugh as he took the offering. “Where the _hell_ did you pull this out from?” 

“Oh, I’ll never tell,” Axel said, with a wink.

“Shut up,” Riku scoffed and playfully punched Axel’s arm with his free hand. Neither could’ve explained why the playful gesture made their chests ache. 

The Next Day— 

When Naminé awoke, she was surprised to see the pair together, laughing over breakfast. _No, not laughing_ , she thought, _howling._ She’d only seen this side of Riku before in Sora’s memories. He was almost childish, like for once he didn’t feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. It made her smile. 

The spell was broken when she saw something out the corner of her eye. “Heartless!” She yelled, pointing out the window. Axel and Riku jumped up immediately, rushing towards the door and outside. Axel summoned his chakrams and tossed them effortlessly towards the crowd, knocking them down. Riku flew in behind them, Soul Eater in hand, slashing at the stunned creatures. They found themselves in the middle of the circle of remaining Heartless, back to back. It felt achingly familiar. 

“Let’s go!” Axel shouted, catching a few in a wave of fire, Riku sending a storm of dark fire out at the same time. They both leapt forward towards their enemies, sending them flying back. Although Riku couldn’t see him, he could feel the heat from Axel’s attacks on his back. When was the last time he had fought beside someone else? He’d been alone for so long now. He relaxed back into the warmth, just for a second— and felt a stinging pain in his leg. _Shit._ A Heartless had slashed into his calf, tearing the pants beneath his cloak. He fell to his knees with a shout, raising Soul Eater to block another oncoming attack. 

“Riku!” And Axel was beside him, cutting through the Heartless like they were air. He finished the remaining few off with another wave of fire before leaning over Riku. “Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” 

“Leg,” Riku grunted, and he turned slightly so Axel could examine the injury. 

“Hm, it doesn’t look _too_ bad… Here,” Axel pulled a potion from his pocket and tenderly dabbed it onto the injury. It immediately lessened the pain, and Riku let out a sigh of relief. “That stopped the bleeding, but we’d better have Naminé look at it. Can you walk?” Riku grunted a response, slowly pulling himself up with Axel’s help. “Here, I gotcha,” Axel said, draping Riku’s arm over his shoulder and supporting his weight. 

When Naminé had finished cleaning the wound, she sat across the table from Riku, and Axel leaned on the kitchen wall. He observed the concern on Naminé’s face as she looked at Riku. “What happened out there?” 

Riku didn’t meet her eyes. “I just… I got distracted. Haven’t been sleeping… well, at all.” He looked up to Axel for help.

“Uh… yeah, we sorta stayed up all night…” 

“Riku! Axel! What’s wrong with you!?” She stood from the table, looking sternly at the both of them. “You need to get a proper night’s sleep! How are you going to fight— how are you going to help Sora,” she looked to Riku, and then to Axel, “or rescue Kairi— if you aren’t taking care of yourselves!” 

Now neither of them met her eyes. Axel scratched at the back of his head uncomfortably. “It’s just… hard, Naminé.” 

“Yeah, not all of us can be as lazy as Sora,” Riku smiled. 

Naminé softened at that. “I know. But you’ve got to try. We can’t have either of you getting hurt. You’ve got important jobs to do. And… important people to make it back to. In one piece.” 

Riku smiled at her. “Okay, I— we’ll try,” he looked over to Axel, who nodded his agreement, though the hesitation in his eyes matched what Riku felt. 

That Night— 

Axel had tried to tire himself out all day. After their fight, and after making sure Riku was really okay, he went out for a jog through the forest, awkward as it was in his cloak. He’d climbed up the clock tower and had a sea-salt ice cream at the top. By the time he got back to the mansion, he was exhausted, and when he collapsed onto the couch he slept on, he hoped it would be enough. 

Riku had spent the day resting— although he tried to get up and walk around whenever Naminé let him out of her sight— but was still drained from his long night, the fight, and his injury. He carefully laid down on his cot, staring up at the ceiling and hoping for sleep. 

_What do people do when they’re trying to sleep,_ Axel wondered. _Count sheep? That does sound pretty boring._ It’d been maybe an hour since he’d laid down, and sleep still didn’t feel close. _One… two... three…_ The sheep started taking on the faces of the other members of Organization XIII. Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin… _ugh, no, I don’t want to see their faces…_ Then there was Saix, not a sheep but as a Nobody, glaring down at him, like always. He watched his old friends and rivals trail by, until… there he was. _Roxas._

Riku took in deep, measured breaths. _In, out. In, out._ He tried to still his body and mind as much as he could. _Calm. Calm._ He pictured rolling waves, warm sand, tried to remember the feel of the sun on his skin and the breeze on his arms. The cold water on his feet. A warm hand in his own. And his face. Riku smiled at the image. _Hi, Sora._

This imagined Roxas smiled at him, seemed to run towards him… until his face changed in an instant, to a scowl of rage and betrayal, and Axel felt his stomach drop. _No, no no no nononono—_ The vision of Roxas trailed two keyblades behind him, then leapt up at Axel, and then Axel was watching the two of them fight again in the basement, now outside of himself. He watched himself push Roxas back, and set the room alight. As he watched the fight, he heard Roxas’s voice taunting him. “Look at that. Do you remember what you were trying to do? Because I do. So _pathetic,_ trying to burn everything else down with you. So sad, isn’t it? To be forgotten, by your _best friend?_ Could you feel it then, how much I hated you?” _No. No. You’re not him. He remembers. We made a promise. He won’t forget his promise._

In Riku’s mind, he walked along the beach with Sora. Their home. He could feel it, the sand on his bare feet. He looked over at Sora’s smiling face, but as he did, it fell and changed, to a look he knew all too well, a face that he couldn’t ever get out of his head. The island turned dark around them, and Riku was sinking into the darkness, and Sora was staring at him with so much fear and anger. The same way he’d looked at him that night. The night that Riku had ruined everything. 

The voice shifted into another Axel knew— Saix. “And look, you thought you were going to have a ‘next life.’ Isn’t that cute? But you know it’s a lie, Axel. You’re a Nobody. You’re not going to have a next life. You’re going to disappear, gone forever. Just like Roxas.” _No, he’s not gone, you’re wrong!_ “Oh, Axel, won’t you just let it go already? He’s not coming back. He’s forgotten all about you. You think you ever meant something to him?” _No, shut up, shut up,_ and the voice shifted back to Roxas’s. “You didn’t. I _never_ loved—” 

Sora was yelling at Riku, through the storm destroying their home. Riku tried to cry out to him, to reach out towards him, but he was frozen. “This is all your fault!” he heard Sora shout, and he fell into the darkness below. And then he woke up. Riku knew he’d been crying before he even registered the damp on his face. He always was when he woke up from that dream. He tried to return to his slow, steady breathing. _It’s okay. You’re okay._

“No!” Axel shot up on the couch, his chest heaving. His cry echoed through the quiet mansion. His hands were shaking, and he couldn’t see through the tears in his eyes. “No, no, no,” he repeated quietly to himself between wracking sobs. “It’s not... real. It wasn’t… him.” He felt like he was drowning. 

Riku sat up when he heard Axel’s cry, and— as much as he could with his injured leg— rushed to pull himself up and to Axel’s room. 

“Are you okay…” Riku trailed off when he saw Axel, curled up on the couch, head in his hands, trying to muffle his loud sobs. Riku sat down on the couch next to him. “Nightmares?” He wasn’t sure why he asked. He knew the answer. 

Axel tried to form words, but Riku cut him off with a hand on his back. “Just breathe. Slow and deep, okay? In… out….” Axel shut his eyes tight and tried to focus on Riku’s voice. _In, out. Just breathe._ After a few long minutes, Axel was breathing normally again, some of the pain of the dream subsiding as he came back to reality. When Riku spoke again, it was so quiet that Axel wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or not. “It’s not real. Whatever it is… it’s _not_ real.” 

Slowly, still trembling, Axel sat up next to Riku. “Still hurts like hell though, huh?” 

“Yep.” 

They sat in a long quiet, neither sure of what to say to the other. What was there to say?

“I haven’t slept through the night since—” the words caught in Axel’s throat, and came out choked and quiet, “since I lost him.” 

Riku nodded. “It doesn’t make sense. I slept for so long, for most of my life… alone. And now I just... can’t.” 

“...Sorry that I woke you up. And… Thank you for coming down here. Really.” 

“You know, Naminé was right. We really are a lot alike.” Riku caught Axel’s eyes. “And I know that you’d do the same thing.” Only then did Axel notice the tears on Riku’s face. 

“Yeah.” Axel smiled gently, “Because… it’s what he’d do. What they’d do.” 

Riku smiled wide at that. “Yeah. It is,” he laughed, but felt fresh tears gathering in his eyes. Before he could process what was happening, Axel was hugging him tight, arms hooked under Riku’s shoulders, and before he could think to do otherwise, Riku relaxed into his tight grip. Axel started to apologize and pull away, but before he could, Riku threw his arms around Axel’s neck and pulled him close. 

They sat like that for a long time, neither wanting to let go of the warmth of the other, of the simple comfort of touch. 

“Please….” Axel choked out, “please stay, I can’t, it’s so hard to sleep alone-” 

“Yeah.” Riku said quietly. “Yeah.” He started to laugh into Axel’s neck. “Can we even both fit on this couch?” 

“Don’t care.” Axel whispered. “I’ll sleep on the floor if I have to, I just, I need, I _need—”_

“I know.” Riku pressed his closed eyes against the warmth of the other, held him a little tighter. “I know.” 

The Next Day— 

When Riku awoke, he was back home, in his bedroom on the island, curled up close with Sora. He pulled him a little closer, but as he blinked the sleepiness out of his eyes, he came back to himself. He was in Twilight Town, in that old mansion, and holding Axel. They’d managed to both squeeze on the couch after all, but more than that, they’d achieved the impossible. Sleep. _Restful_ sleep. He laughed to himself. _Sora will get a kick out of this._

With a tiny yawn, Riku shut his eyes again and nuzzled his face into Axel’s back. He’d so deeply missed the warmth of another body, and sleep came easily in the soft glow of morning. 

The morning sun spilled in through Axel’s window, and his eyes fluttered open and _oh,_ there was a strong arm wrapped around his waist. He turned slightly to see Riku, somewhat disheveled, but sleeping. _It’s funny_ , he thought. _By all means, Riku should still look like Ansem_. But there, in that serene morning light, all that he saw when he looked behind him was a tired boy. He looked more peaceful than Axel had ever seen him. 

_Huh. No nightmares. For either of us._

Axel leaned back into Riku’s embrace. The gentle warmth of Riku’s breath on his neck. The spot where their sleeves had rolled up and the bare skin of their arms brushed up against each other. He thought he might start crying again just at the sheer sensation of touching another person. 

Gingerly, he placed his hand on top of Riku’s, and laced their fingers together, feeling a gentle squeeze in return from Riku’s hand. _Fuck, it’s been so long since someone held my hand._

Tangled up together, the two shared the same thought.

_I miss you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you._

_\--_

**Author's Note:**

> (**The first ~7 paragraphs of this section are a modified version of a scene that appears in the second volume of Tomoco Kanemaki’s novelization of KH2 (Chapter 3, “Land of Dragons,” page 58). All credit for the brilliant idea goes to her and her absolutely massive brain.) 
> 
> Also thank you to Plants, Leo, Margo and Kuno for proofreading for me!!


End file.
